From Kelly Craig’s Facebook post… “God is not the one punishing us to a barren life void of meaningful relationships. We are the ones who often pull away (from others) at the point of healing intimacy. But healing intimacy requires that we leave a heart numbed by disillusionment, bitterness and anger and open that same heart up to those God places in our lives. Trust is the bridge that we learn to walk across together in order to experience that healing (place of restoration) in the context of community.”
I’ve never had a good experience with “community”. I grew up in a small town…. One that certainly had it’s good points, but was also full of gossip and spite for anything different than their norm. I was different than the norm of that town…. Which meant I didn’t experience much positive out of the ‘community’. There were criticisms, judgments, and ridicule…. mostly ridicule. That was my experience of this particular community.
Every church I had been a part of had a very definite “do it our way” attitude…. Sometimes it was subtle and not out up front, sometimes it was blatant, but regardless, it was still very much there. Once we were a part of a church that I thought was going to give me “community” and it ended up with the pastor leading some serious, ugly ritual abuse. (Ugly story).
I’m leery of “community”.
Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to the Amish lifestyle… not the old fashioned stuff like no electricity or inside plumbing (yuck), but how they take care of each other. Granted, they all have to follow what I considered total legalism, but they do take care of and look out for each other. And even the shunning thing is up front and everyone knows what to expect. Of course, all I know about it is what I’ve read in the fiction books about Amish, but it sounds wonderful to have an entire community looking out for each other. It’s what the church is supposed to be.
Lately (the past few weeks actually), I’ve felt myself disconnect from the people around me…. I do all the pleasant, superficial stuff…. And can even share things that matter to me, feelings and what not, but I’m doing it almost as tho I’m just waiting for the ax to fall…. the bomb to drop… the rug to be pulled out from me…. to be cut off at the knees. I go thru the motions, but I’m not engaged. I’m just going thru the motions….. because deep down, I don’t believe in community… I don’t see it ever happening… altho Georgetown Community Church was the closest I ever saw. And I draw back…. right at the point of true relationship to keep things at a distance….even if it doesn’t look like it. And I’m a master at not letting it look like it. It’s safer that way.